This essay forms part of an unfolding book I’m drafting here on Substack, under the working title Walking with Poetry in Mind. I’m writing it for my son to read when he is older and anyone else who wondered where the old me disappeared to
Ahhh… the road to all that was not known. (But not the road to nowhere.) Healing takes time… I tell my girls that the brain needs two years to find its equilibrium again, after major events. We can feel lost, uncertain, aimless, emotional, and seek God. Questions have no answers. Guide post to guide post is all there is… one foot in front of the other. And one day it dawns on us that we feel the light again.
Yes, that's true. And sometimes there are no answers as to why things happen, with time though those experiences change into something different. I guess we all have a choice as to make peace and be forgiving too, that's the powerful thing. Your daughter's are lucky to have such a wise mum.
I really enjoyed reading this - how well you articulated your own physical and mental struggle, and how the landscape responds (or is vice versa?) I thought about so much while reading it. I particularly liked the line: "But I had also become too cerebral." This captures the city grind so well, especially nowadays with so much screen time from day to day. A good reminder to get out and reconnect with nature when we can. It brought to mind the poem from Rumi (https://www.tennesonwoolf.com/keep-walking-rumi/)
It's nice to be back in this part of Australia with you on your bike ride. The riding through the dry dam was an interesting flip side to all the old drowned snowy towns.
Thank-you Inga, it took me a few weeks and about a hundred drafts. I'll read the Rumi poem. Yes, I must have taken a 'short cut' that giant reservoir in one of those last years of the millennial drought, that long slow drought we had. I like how you put it, the landscape responds, or vice-versa, you should write about it, where ever you are....
You are a good writer and it is a gift when good writers write of experiences lived. The mountains have always been a special place for me, a place to find myself, small, inconsequential in relation to the magnitude of the mountains but more present in their majesty than anywhere else. Thank you for sharing your story with us and your son ⛰️🏔️💚
Yes, that is how I felt on that trip in the mountains. Small and inconsequential and when it's combined with physical effort, a strange peace can overtake us. And it stays with us, even in our busy busy days. Thanks for reading, Holly.
Besides the story, which is incredibly well written, I really appreciate your personal photos, Damian, and the sentiment running through the piece. It’s such a lovely way of documenting a life. The best gift you could give your son x
Thanks, I didn't take many photographs, that trip. It was the beginning of the digital photography age I suppose. No smart phones. It also seemed a bit weird to be sitting my camera on fence posts to take photos of me. These days we'd take a tripod, or I would have a selfie camera connected to my helmet ;-). Yes, I hope my son reads it when he is young man.
I know that country, my partner was from NE Vic, an avid bike touring and mountain bike man. Thanks for sharing, what a wonderful gift of writing for your son.
Thanks Simone. Yes, my son is eleven, he knows I am writing something (slowly) for him. I hope it inspires it and I can pass on some of my, I won't call it wisdom, but just life experiences I've had. One day in the future he may be interested or in need to read what I've written. One day I may take him up into that high country too. It's hard to explain what it is really like up there. Coastal South-west Victoria is another wonderful place I like going to. My dad was a teacher near Portland for years. And when I was even younger we'd spend our school holidays in Port Fairy. I wrote a series of poems about Kilarney Beach area, after camping there in Dec. 2024. They are up as posts back in my archive if you are curious.
Thanks Damian, yes, l figure our diverse landscape is best experienced to understand, and no doubt there are pockets of wisdom for your son. I love our SW coast which is why we headed this way, we considered PF but it was just too far for a weekend commute to Melbourne for friends and family. I will be interested to read those posts, thank you. All the best.
I enjoyed reading about your trip this morning. It brought to mind the book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. It also fell in line with another essay I read by Thomas Bell and his solo camping trip in the mountains to cleanse his mind. We all need these time. But even when we can't go ourselves, reading about others' trip is a kind of soothing mind-trip in itself. Thanks for sharing.
Yes, I love reading about other people's trips and tribulations too. The Thomas Bell essay sounds interesting, I'll check it out. I've read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance a couple of times. It's one of those strange books that changes meaning every time I read it. He was also traveling with his son, if I remember rightly. I haven't read it since I become a parent. That would change the angle of the book completely again.
I love how you used the sound of water to recreate the landscape. I have a son too, and it made me think how even if we don’t write directly to them, pieces like this can become a window into parts of us they might never otherwise see. And nothing beats lived experience.
Ahhh… the road to all that was not known. (But not the road to nowhere.) Healing takes time… I tell my girls that the brain needs two years to find its equilibrium again, after major events. We can feel lost, uncertain, aimless, emotional, and seek God. Questions have no answers. Guide post to guide post is all there is… one foot in front of the other. And one day it dawns on us that we feel the light again.
Yes, that's true. And sometimes there are no answers as to why things happen, with time though those experiences change into something different. I guess we all have a choice as to make peace and be forgiving too, that's the powerful thing. Your daughter's are lucky to have such a wise mum.
I really enjoyed reading this - how well you articulated your own physical and mental struggle, and how the landscape responds (or is vice versa?) I thought about so much while reading it. I particularly liked the line: "But I had also become too cerebral." This captures the city grind so well, especially nowadays with so much screen time from day to day. A good reminder to get out and reconnect with nature when we can. It brought to mind the poem from Rumi (https://www.tennesonwoolf.com/keep-walking-rumi/)
It's nice to be back in this part of Australia with you on your bike ride. The riding through the dry dam was an interesting flip side to all the old drowned snowy towns.
Thank-you Inga, it took me a few weeks and about a hundred drafts. I'll read the Rumi poem. Yes, I must have taken a 'short cut' that giant reservoir in one of those last years of the millennial drought, that long slow drought we had. I like how you put it, the landscape responds, or vice-versa, you should write about it, where ever you are....
You are a good writer and it is a gift when good writers write of experiences lived. The mountains have always been a special place for me, a place to find myself, small, inconsequential in relation to the magnitude of the mountains but more present in their majesty than anywhere else. Thank you for sharing your story with us and your son ⛰️🏔️💚
Yes, that is how I felt on that trip in the mountains. Small and inconsequential and when it's combined with physical effort, a strange peace can overtake us. And it stays with us, even in our busy busy days. Thanks for reading, Holly.
Besides the story, which is incredibly well written, I really appreciate your personal photos, Damian, and the sentiment running through the piece. It’s such a lovely way of documenting a life. The best gift you could give your son x
Thanks, I didn't take many photographs, that trip. It was the beginning of the digital photography age I suppose. No smart phones. It also seemed a bit weird to be sitting my camera on fence posts to take photos of me. These days we'd take a tripod, or I would have a selfie camera connected to my helmet ;-). Yes, I hope my son reads it when he is young man.
Damian, this is a fantastic record of how life needs to be lived. Love it. Your son is a lucky lad.
Thanks Richard. I hope this something he can learn from where I've ended up.
Looking forward to the next piece.
I know that country, my partner was from NE Vic, an avid bike touring and mountain bike man. Thanks for sharing, what a wonderful gift of writing for your son.
Thanks Simone. Yes, my son is eleven, he knows I am writing something (slowly) for him. I hope it inspires it and I can pass on some of my, I won't call it wisdom, but just life experiences I've had. One day in the future he may be interested or in need to read what I've written. One day I may take him up into that high country too. It's hard to explain what it is really like up there. Coastal South-west Victoria is another wonderful place I like going to. My dad was a teacher near Portland for years. And when I was even younger we'd spend our school holidays in Port Fairy. I wrote a series of poems about Kilarney Beach area, after camping there in Dec. 2024. They are up as posts back in my archive if you are curious.
Thanks Damian, yes, l figure our diverse landscape is best experienced to understand, and no doubt there are pockets of wisdom for your son. I love our SW coast which is why we headed this way, we considered PF but it was just too far for a weekend commute to Melbourne for friends and family. I will be interested to read those posts, thank you. All the best.
I enjoyed reading about your trip this morning. It brought to mind the book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. It also fell in line with another essay I read by Thomas Bell and his solo camping trip in the mountains to cleanse his mind. We all need these time. But even when we can't go ourselves, reading about others' trip is a kind of soothing mind-trip in itself. Thanks for sharing.
Yes, I love reading about other people's trips and tribulations too. The Thomas Bell essay sounds interesting, I'll check it out. I've read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance a couple of times. It's one of those strange books that changes meaning every time I read it. He was also traveling with his son, if I remember rightly. I haven't read it since I become a parent. That would change the angle of the book completely again.
It's been ages since I read ZAMM too. But yes, it was a trip he took with his son too.
I love how you used the sound of water to recreate the landscape. I have a son too, and it made me think how even if we don’t write directly to them, pieces like this can become a window into parts of us they might never otherwise see. And nothing beats lived experience.
I loved reading your story - thankyou - the joyful downhill ride after the arduous climb - and all the whole healing journey.